After Dark Wrestling Debut Show Review
This is the inaugural event from the promotion After Dark Wrestling, which bills itself as an adult-orientated event. Wrestling that is specifically geared towards adults can be extremely hit or miss, but since Joey Ryan is involved in this I have some faith in it. I get what they are trying to get from these introductions and involving the fans, but reading from the phone kind of seams lazy.
Match 1: Brother Mallaki & Father Corbin vs. The Hooligans
*A woman enters the ring and was about to strip supposedly when the religious duo of Brother Mallaki and Father Corbin enter. I love how simplistic their entrance was with the light church music.
*A "Fuck You" Jesus chant. This crowd is pretty great.
*It's also great that Corbin is running down this obese guy.
*I like how The Hooligans are just throwing the crosses and all the religious imagery onto the ground and showing no concern for anything.
*The match starts in a straight brawl and I guess that's probably all I should expect from a group who bills themselves as The Hooligans.
*I'm really surprised that one of these Hooligans can do a moonsault, that's pretty sweet.
*A dive from the "DJ Area". I kind of love how sloppy and reckless this whole match is.
*I think Corbin in this role is real good.
*The Hooligans looked impressive, but I'm perfectly content with Father Corbin and Brother Mallaki winning. It got a good response from the crowd.
Match 2: AR Fox vs. Stephen Wolf
*I have never heard of Stephen Wolf, so this should be interesting to say the very least. Though, his shirt says "Party with Sluts" so that already gets some points in the respect category.
*AR Fox's into music is pretty great as are his space tights.
*I don't know if they didn't have a bell, but I kind of like them just going "Ding DING" to start the match.
*Holy shit, this match starts out fast.
*I love how AR Fox hits like three top-rope moves in a row, but adjusts them because of the venues' roof and then Wolf still kicks out.
*The 4th one apparently is the killer move and AR Fox wins the battle.
Match 3: Christian Rose vs. Kody Rice
*Kody Rice is another wrestler that I'm not familiar with at all. Based on intro and choice of tight colors alone though, I think that I can get into him.
*Nope, sorry Christian Rose. I can't buy into somebody else using "Cult of Personality." Not a diss against you, just a song that I don't think anybody else should be using as wrestling entrance. Why associate yourself with that other guy even if that guy isn't in the sport anymore?
*The crowd is behind Rose though, so maybe I'm the wrong one.
*Nope, Rice is wearing suspenders too. And is about to lube up his body. Anybody who does an oiled body gimmick is awesome. If you have multiple bottles of oil, you are even better.
*I love this silly spot where Rice is just running the ropes and Rose is just sitting there with his arms crossed.
Apparently if you have oil on your body, chops sound even greater.
*I love how long Rice is selling his damage from running those ropes.
*Some guy is trying real hard to get a "Dick Jokes" chant going. It failed, but I appreciate his effort.
*Rice wants some ring rats. He is a man with good priorities.
*Oh sweet, I was hoping to see Rice's butt at some point in this match. So glad I got to see that.
*"His entire asshole is still hanging out"
*That two count was so dumb, Rice's leg was under the rope the entire time. Guy in the crowd realized that too.
*Rose pulls off the victory.
Match 4: Arik Cannon vs. Joey Ryan
*Joey Ryan: "Are you drunk off your cheap beers?"
*I could just watch like 2 hours of Joey Ryan dressing down this crowd.
*The guy who tried chanting "We fuck sisters", I don't even know what to think about that.
*I'm somebody who likes to get drunk off Pabst Blue Ribbon.. uh oh, Joey Ryan might hate me.
*Cannon brings out 3 PBR Tallboys, I like that.
*Joey Ryan's beard is slightly better than Arik Cannon's, but Cannon's beard is still pretty respectable.
*A sucker with Arik Cannon's nut butter, oh my. And now it went ninto Ryan's mouth.
*No Joey Ryan is dumping out Pabst. This ring is going to get so sticky now.
*I like how they present Pabst Blue Ribbon like it's an exilir for Arik Cannon.
*"Nobody drink the beer, the beer's gone bad"
*SAT Question: Popeye is to Spinach as Arik Cannon is to Pabst Blue Ribbon.
*Arik Cannon wins via rollup, celebrates by casually drinking his last Tallboy.
Match 5: Nick Brubaker vs. PartyBoy
*Brubaker's hair is very unique, but his trash talking is definitely stellar. I don't like the dissing of his man bun. It's very stylish.
*I do like these announcers sucking up to him, after being intimidated.
*PartyBoy's "Damn I'm Good" shirt is something.
*I also like how these promotion really likes to feature huskier guys. Not everybody needs to be a hunk.
*Brubaker's absolute disdain for PartyBoy's buns of steel is good too.
*I wouldn't mind a tag team consisting of PartyBoy and Kody Rice. The Oily PartyBoyz. (They could be the same guy for all I know).
*Brubaker wins via dick punch and roll-up combo. I like how he continues his assault post-match.
*Some guy really loved himself some Brubaker.
Match 6: Connor Braxton & Paco Gonzalez vs. Zero Gravity
*If you enter to "Dancing Queen", you can be the blandest looking dudes and I'll still be pulling for you somewhat. Nice job Braxton & Gonzalez.
*The same guy is still chanting for Brubaker for some reason.
*I like the pacing in this tag team match, lots of quick action.
*In a lot of ways, this might be the most contained match so far on the card. Probably the most technical too in a lot of ways. I think it's because it's almost all been held in the ring and has used some psychology, whereas the AR Fox match earlier was just kind of moves and quickness.(Not that it was a bad thing)
*Connor Braxton looks like he has a lot of potential in the future.
*I don't know the members of Zero Gravity, but I like how much the action picked up when this guy got the hot tag.
*I looked it up, it's Brett Gakiya. I like this guy.
*I don't like how he just got murdered from a kick by Braxton though.
*This promotion has no rules, which leads to a lot of this tag team match just becoming 2 vs 1 and hitting the power moves. Zero Gravity finally ends up victorious.
Match 7: Dick Justice & Matt Cage vs. Harvey Bower & JJ Garrett
*These flashing glasses that Garrett and Bower are rocking are something.
*I talk about wrestling fashion a lot, no big deal.
*This is a Dick Justice match. I'm obviously pulling for Dick Justice.
*Garrett/Bower's pre-match promo was completely phoned in or at the very least entirely unconvincing.
*If you aren't persuaded by the sweet words of Dick Justice, I don't know what's wrong with you.
*Cage making the hero save is pretty awesome. He got a name graphic like thirty seconds after entertaining.
*He pulls out a knife and Dick Justice takes him down, Dick Justice isn't buying any of this shit.
*"I'm sorry you came at me with a knife and I got nervous."
*Cage and Justice trying to organize an in-ring drug trade is alright.
*"The 16th president of the United States is now taking 16 inches of dick." I've read some Abraham Lincoln erotica before.. seems about right.
*SwagTag is a pretty douchey/and also great nickname for a tag team.
*So JJ Garrett is apparently the one with slightly less ugly gear, but only slightly.
*Cage's kicks are vicious looking and I love how he just wrecks Bower and Garrett once he enters the ring.
*Cage's chop-a-thon in this match is pretty great.
*Big Black Dick gets the victory = hell yes.
*Cage just celebrated my motorboating a chick wearing a DARE shirt. That might be the most risqué thing on the show so far.
Match 8: Buck Nasty vs. Donovan Danhausen
*Let's talk about wrestling fashion and how great Buck Nasty's tasselled jacket is. Really, it is.
*Oh sweet, I didn't know Danhausen was going to be accompanied by Angelus Layne. She rules.
*Camera guy failure, Layne is twerking/shaking that butt and the camera guy doesn't focus on that. Come on.
*I do like Danhausen's look/aesthetics. Compared to most wrestlers, his tattoo game is on point.
*I'm not sure how it took me this long to notice that Buck Nasty's briefs have a nude lady on there.
*I like Buck Nasty's manager just trying to escape. Oh shit, he does a splash too. Manager involvement is always good.
*More manager involvement and I love how he is wearing the Andre/Big show ring gear.
*Layne is wrecking him. Don't threaten Angelus Layne, that's never a good idea.
*Bucky trying to get real gross with Layne. Layne flips him off the bird, only to to get spanked and then Danhausen makes the save with a superkick.
*A Stinkface spot and Buck Nasty is wanting to lick the butt. Layne removes herself, PartyBoy shows up in the ring and gets his butt licked instead.
*Nasty's manager makes the save with a chair shot.
*This match is probably what I expected this whole show to be like, honestly, but I'm sort of glad that they paced it better.
*Double Go To Sleep combos. And a "double victory" in a singles match.
*At least they got some of the celebration Layne twerking.
Match 9: John Wayne Murdoch vs. Markus Crane in a 516 Death Match
*John Wayne Murdoch is a wrestler that I've of, but I can't recall if I'm seen any of his matches.
*Oh great ,a death match and they of course have legos. Legos.
*Markus Crane's shirt: "Smoke Meth & Hail Satan." (Satan is apparently his dick's name, as his shirt points to his dick). His entrance theme is badass though.
*More Dick Justice, the world can't have enough Dick Justice. The fact that he is running a sobriety test on Murdoch is pretty great.
*Dick Justice: "I"m off duty, I don't care what any of you do, LET'S PARTY!"
*Murdoch getting lippy with Dick Justice, come on - you don't mess with Dick.
*Apparently, that's good enough to start the match.
*Murdoch is already bleeding so quick after the actual match started.
*This barbed wire bat must be the littlest bat I've ever seen. Just little bat things.
*There go the Legos.
*Another Lego spot which involved Murdoch killing his own back. (Though commentary says there was thumbtacks too, so tacks and Legos)
*Crane wants to do a flaming table spot, can't ignite the table.
*LIGHT DAT TABLE BRO.
*When spots go wrong, you end up being the one who goes through the table instead.
*Crowd is really behind Murdoch. I guess, anybody whose gimmick is "getting drunk" is probably a crowd favoritte in LaSalle.
*Crane just absolutely destroyed Murdoch through a table, and yet he somehow managed to kick out.
*A big dildo has now entered the match. Crane is dousing it with oil.
*We have a flaming dildo. A Flaming dildo.
*I knew about this spot before watching this, it's still great to see that this match was decided by a flaming dildo.
*Joey Ryan begins the show by talking about what woman we would like to fuck, none of them are from LaSalle.
*Joel Gertner's feather jacket is pretty spectacular.
*The way the commentary is boomed just over speakers is really rough, but I don't know if I'd prefer it any other way.
*There's a lady in the crowd who really likes yelling "EAT MY ASS!". God bless you fan.
*I like this venue a lot, it's intimate as hell and perfect for an event like this.
*I like the presentation between the matches and how they just fade away and then fade back in.
*More than half way through this, I'm sort of surprised by how little "adult" elements there have been. There was Kody Rice's butt, and some swearing but that's about it. Maybe they are saving it all for the last few matches. Maybe I'm wrong in wanting to see something really realy ridiculous.
*There is a "You Can Do It" chant in the crowd, great job Illinois.
*I probably missed it, but I have no idea who this lady on commentary is. It's probably Angelus Layne, but then again it might be that random chick who was going to "strip" at the beginning. Hard to say.
*"We promised you Beer and Blood" - And also boobs, where are the boobs?
*I love the staff member whose job it was to put out the flaming dildo and then the fact that it got outsourced quickly to Arik Cannon. Do you think that Cannon puts "dildo extinguisher" under the special skills section of his resume?